How my Miscarriage Changed my Second Pregnancy

I felt like miscarriages happen like they do in the movies. Blood, cramps, warning signs.

I didn’t know I could go to my first OB appointment and hear “Sorry there is no heartbeat”

Huh? What? What do you mean?

The anxiety and uncertainty followed me into my next pregnancy.

I was afraid to be happy. I was afraid it would happen again. I couldn’t celebrate.

I was told “You did nothing wrong. This just happens sometimes.”

The lack of control in that one statement alone can send any Mama spiraling. It is extremely hard to feel like something catastrophic can happen again that you cannot prevent. That you don’t have a reason why it happened. The statement is not reassuring. 

I didn’t even take progress pictures at first like I had with my first pregnancy. I felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants until I passed viability week. I wouldn’t buy a single thing. The only thing that gave me consistent peace of mind was my doppler. I know that for some women it can increase anxiety, especially if used incorrectly, but for me it was amazing.

This is something women don’t talk about enough. Is it taboo? Why? We didn’t do anything wrong. At least, that’s the resounding advice from healthcare providers. But we also need to do better at giving women peace of mind. March of Dimes notes research suggesting more than 30% of pregnancies may end in miscarriage when very early losses are included.

I found a great ultrasound clinic that offers a “Peace of Mind” ultrasound as early as 4 weeks. I feel like this was so beneficial. It really did bring me “Peace of Mind”. Just having the owner inform me that I did not have issues with placement or an ectopic pregnancy was so relieving. Why isn’t this standard practice? Why do the OB offices schedule us so late for the first appointment?

If you are struggling after loss, please know that you are not alone. You just need to figure out what works for you and what will bring you the peace of mind you need. Just know that even though these things brought me peace of mind, they never eliminated the anxiety. They just made it easier to live with.